The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
