mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
