if you like me you must not know who I am
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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