Pants 0. Shit 1.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
