he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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