ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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