The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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