you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
