and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
