Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
