You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
