I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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