what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
