Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
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