I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
