Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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