I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
