How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
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Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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