I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
