Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
