I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
