Your dad touched me again.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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