I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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