maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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