I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Never joke about your clitoris.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
