Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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