Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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