the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
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btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
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I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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