they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
