I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
