I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
it was like eating out sand paper
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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