You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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