how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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