I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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