I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
