Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
