I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i will never coherently bang her
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
