New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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