He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
