I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My dad just said "fuck circus"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
