i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
