we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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