You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
