My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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