She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
