counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
