I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
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Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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