I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize