Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
