You really coming over, don't trick.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i will never coherently bang her
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
