Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
This girl is more easily done than said...
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
