i permit you to call me
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
There's always time for handjobs
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
All I want is dick and wine.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
