What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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