And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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