He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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