No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
