Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
