i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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