ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
