:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
