um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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