she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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