some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
