if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I lost the right to judge tonight
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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